Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
