I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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