He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
