My first STD was from a foam party
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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