Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pants are for mortals
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
