Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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