one might say we're banned from that church
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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