I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
