Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
