dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
