Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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