so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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