Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Two words: blizzard sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
