I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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