I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
