since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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