i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
