My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
