tell your sister to shave her snatch
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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