I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
