Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
