I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm really busy with my period
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