I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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