i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
