He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
