3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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