Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's like iHOP with fire
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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