just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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