I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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