we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
