ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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