your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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