we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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