I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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