I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
