Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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