Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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