the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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