i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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