Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
