i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
