You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
