Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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