yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
