I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
