You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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