Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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