Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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