A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
