So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
