I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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