i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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