i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
