I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My feet surprised me
Randomize
