dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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