So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm going to jail i love you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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