I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
