I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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