I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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