So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
