Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
