Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
