you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
