She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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