If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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