Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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