Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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