Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
