Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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